


Good Days

by WanderingBandurria



Series: ComfortMiniFest [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Depression related sympthoms, Fluff, Getting Together, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memories, Mentions of memory loss, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soft Sirius Black, Tattoos, domestic life, this is not representative of trauma related disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26577136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingBandurria/pseuds/WanderingBandurria
Summary: There are some good days for Sirius in Grimmauld Place - days where he and Remus laugh, talk, and cook. On one of those days, the future opens in front of him, with all its possibilities.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: ComfortMiniFest [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931170
Comments: 32
Kudos: 149





	Good Days

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is based on the fourth day of Wolfstar Comfort Minifest prompt: Recovery. This is a fest held by SwottyPotter on Tumblr, I recommend you go check it there because there are really beautiful works.
> 
> I've never written a fic settled on OotP, and it was painful and wonderful. This is still mostly in the comfort/fluff side, and I know there are a lot of effects of trauma that I'm choosing to leave aside in this work. Please be kind to yourself and your own healing process, if you are going through one. Not everyone's process is the same.
> 
> Thanks to my beta, LikeABellThroughTheNight for all the help with this. This was a bit harder to figure out and without your help, I would be so lost.
> 
> Still, English is not my first language and I love receiving feedback about it, so if you spot any mistake, please tell me!
> 
> Hope you guys like it!

\---

There are good days, but there are also bad ones. Sirius reminds himself to breathe deeply and enjoy the sunlight that comes through the windows in spite of the spells on them. This morning, he’s feeling like the soft warmth and brightness is a blessing, instead of a mockery from life about everything that he’s being forced to miss right now.

He has breakfast with Remus, and they smile and snigger as Sirius burns the bacon and Remus spills his tea over the table when he tries to help. Remus looks at him with patience and care before Sirius reassures him that he’s alright, and that Remus can go to the study room and do the research he’s meant to do. He’ll go and work on the Wolfsbane, which has been his responsibility since they started living together, first at Remus’ cottage, now in _this_ awful place. Then, he’ll probably mess up some potions’ ingredients and try to clean up one of the rooms or something like that. He’ll probably go up to the roof with Buckbeak and sunbathe for a while, maybe start his own research in whatever topic he wants.

Remus smiles at him, squeezes his shoulder, and goes to work in the study room that Sirius cleaned for him a few months ago.

They meet back at lunch, Sirius sending Kreacher away since they have gotten used to cooking together at Remus’ place, and Kreacher usually means bad memories and muttered insults directed towards Remus. They eat in silence and then have tea, Sirius talking about the Muggle book that Remus gifted to him. He goes into detail about his favourite characters, which ones he thinks might have magic, and Remus laughs and tells him that that’s an interesting take. Sirius feels proud of himself - so proud, that he dares to ask Remus about when he first read it. Remus goes quiet and takes another sip of tea, so Sirius is about to change the topic when Remus starts talking again, telling him about how, eight years ago, he met a German man with whom he had a relationship for a couple of months, after which the man left without saying a word, leaving clothes, books, and a succulent behind. He doesn’t look Sirius in the eye while he talks, which is alright, because Sirius is sure he looks less-than-appealing with his mouth slightly open and his crazy heartbeats that are probably visible in his throat.

Remus continues talking, telling him about the small flat they shared, and how they stood until late at night talking about Muggle literature - Remus tells him that he was a Muggle, his name was Hans, he had brown hair and he told Remus that he loved him on the first night they met, saying that he had dreamt about Remus’ eyes before. Remus laughs when he tells Sirius that, only then looking back at Sirius.

Sirius is not sure what Remus sees in his eyes, but his gaze softens, so Sirius just nods and says, “He sounds like a pretentious prat, but at least he had good taste.” 

He means to add that he’s talking about the book, but he stops himself at the dazed expression in Remus’ face and the soft blush on his cheeks that Sirius hasn’t seen since school.

They clean the kitchen in silence, and Sirius is about to tell him that he’ll ask Kreacher to finish it when Remus asks “You don’t mind?” and Sirius is utterly confused for a second. 

“About what?” he asks, and Remus looks at him, almost annoyed. “About Hans?” Remus shrugs. “Why would I care?” and Remus shrugs again. 

“Being with a man is a big deal for some Muggles,” Remus answers after a second, turning his back to the sink where the dishes are washing themselves.

“Oh,” Sirius says, and he frowns. “ _Oh._ The book makes much more sense now,” he says, and Remus looks at him, dumbfounded, before starting to laugh.

“Yeah, I probably should have given you an introduction before giving it to you,” he says, and he brushes his hands nervously over his hair.

“I think it’s more interesting without it, to be honest,” Sirius says, taking a piece of chocolate from the kitchen table. “That way, I got to discover it on my own, right?”

Remus looks intently at him for what feels like an eternity. Sirius feels his saliva thickening with the chocolate. In the end, Remus just nods, smiles, and mutters a soft “yeah” before turning back to supervise the dishes.

Sirius busies himself during the afternoon with Buckbeak. He talks to him at length about the book and how maybe he should send it to Harry when he’s done with it. Buckbeak looks at him with his big eyes and seems to agree, but Sirius is still not sure about it.

A few hours later he finds himself walking around the house, feeling a well-known unrest settling in his legs. Before he realizes it, he’s opening the door of the study where Remus usually works, but Remus is not there.

He goes to Remus’ bedroom and hesitates for only a second before knocking on the door. Remus calls “come in,” so Sirius opens the door, slides in, and flops down beside Remus on the big bed that used to be for guests, but that now smells like Remus. He sinks his nose on the covers, and he stays like that for a moment, enjoying the warmth from Remus - a warmth that envelopes him even when they are not touching, and that makes him think that Remus is in his own cocoon of coziness that slowly but surely pulls him in too.

He wonders how long it’s been since the two of them were in the same bed. Probably since Hogwarts, he thinks. No, he’s almost sure. Sirius used to flop down on everyone’s bed back in the dormitory, and he and Remus found themselves together in Remus’ bed more and more regularly as the years went by. By seventh year, with James being Headboy, they spent more time alone in the dorm, talking, laughing, barely grazing their fingers over the other’s arm, with a weird tension building between them. Sirius never knew what to do with that sweet-and-nervous-feelings that moved like electricity between them. Then, things just got much more complicated with the war, escalating to a point where he barely knew what to do with himself in general, let alone what to do with his feelings for Remus.

Still, he thought a lot about Remus during that period, and how the world was too fucked up to do _something,_ to move things forward between them.

_The world’s still fucked up_ , he thinks bitterly and breathes deeply as he feels despair set its claws on his chest. 

“Can I help you with something, Padfoot?” Remus’ voice takes him out of his thoughts because it’s soft, sweet and he can hear the smile in it. It’s a balm of comfort to be treated like he’s not about to break or lose it at any moment. Remus manages to make him feel _almost_ normal. He hears the soft _thud_ that Remus’ book makes when he leaves it on the nightstand.

He turns in the bed and looks to the canopy. 

“Today is a good day,” he says, resolutely, and he can feel how Remus sits on the bed, keeping his legs extended. “Or at least, it’s better than others.”

He glances at Remus for a second and sees him nod.

“And over them you build, knowing there will come bad ones. And when the bad days arrive, you remind yourself that it doesn’t mean you are stepping back,” Remus says, and Sirius can _almost hear_ the sad smile. They have had this conversation before, he realizes - maybe when he first arrived at Remus’ cottage, maybe here. He’s not sure. He feels a bit desperate at not being able to pinpoint his memories, but he breathes deeply, sits up, crossing his legs, and turns to look at Remus, nodding.

“Sometimes I think about the future, Remus, and some days it feels like I’ll never be the same. And _I know_ I won’t be the same. I _know_ I should expect that. But sometimes… sometimes, I’m very scared that I won’t be able to think about my past ever again without feeling that the world crumbles onto itself and that everything gets entangled,” he says, looking at Remus’ eyes. 

Remus looks back, serene, and Sirius feels almost ashamed of what he said.

“And the other times?” he asks, grabbing Sirius’ knee for a second, squeezing softly.

Sirius smiles.

“Other times, I just can’t wait for the future to get here. I think about where I might go - that I want to travel, and that maybe you’ll want to come with me, and maybe Harry will want to come with us too. Other times I think that I’ll get a new bike or maybe I’ll write a book, or, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll try my hand at Muggle University, or something like that,” he says, and Remus starts to smile at him, so Sirius feels his eyes watering with the feeling of being understood.

“Oh, I would love to travel with you, Padfoot,” Remus says, laughing softly. “I think that when all of this is over I will need a holiday. I am sure Harry will too,” he says, and he squeezes Sirius’ knee again.

They stay in silence and Remus lets his back fall on the headboard. His hands fold on his lap and he keeps looking at Sirius with curiosity in his eyes. Sirius lets his weight fall on his hands behind his back, and for the first time since they moved to this house, he lets himself study Remus’ face with hiding all the admiration and affection he feels for this man. 

Remus looks old and tired, and his hair is greying. His eyes are brown and soft and his cheeks have a golden undertone with the dusk light. He hasn’t been out in the sun, even with the nice weather, so even with his natural tawny skin, he looks almost sick. And still, he makes Sirius feel _at home,_ and feel the familiar pull in the centre of his chest that has always screamed _Remus, Remus, Remus..._

“Would you get Muggles’ tattoos with me, when we can get out of this horrific ghost house?” Sirius blurts out without really thinking about the words.

Remus blinks at him for a couple of seconds, confused, and Sirius waits, smiling impishly because _what the hell_ , he’s owning his impulsive words. He knows he has his fair share of tattoos now but they all mean sad, old things, so he thinks it’s actually a good idea to get some new ones. He doesn’t think they had ever talked about Remus’ position on tattoos, but he would bet his money on Remus not liking them. Still, he takes his shot at it. He wants to have something that connects them.

But then Remus starts to laugh, the sound rich and soft like it always has been. It’s full of meaning and memories for Sirius, but all of that fades as Remus starts to unbutton his shirt. Sirius' brain short-circuits and he can feel his eyes glued to Remus’ rough fingers.

Remus yanks open three, four buttons and then pushes his shirt to the side, over his shoulder. There, where Sirius remembers a particularly deep gash of scars, he sees some black-and-white Muggle flowers that he doesn’t recognize, and intertwined with them, some runes. Sirius recognizes some of them, and he knows they refer to _secrecy, silence,_ and _penance,_ but the way they intertwine with the flowers make them feel so different, that Sirius can’t stop himself from smiling.

“Woah. Can I touch it?” he asks, getting closer to Remus.

Remus laughs and even as he says, “it feels just like skin," he still nods.

He can feel Remus’ scars under the tattoo, and he feels himself shiver with the contact.

“Alright, will you get _another_ tattoo with me, then?” he asks, still smiling.

Remus laughs faintly, his eyes shiny. His hands stop in the air on their way to button up his shirt. He nods, and Sirius sees him swallow thickly.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course,” Remus says rushedly, his cheeks getting a bit flushed, and his eyes go back to the buttons, his fingers playing idly with them. “Fuck, I want to kiss you,” he whispers under his breath. He seems to realize what he just said in a second, his cheeks getting a deep crimson, his eyes going wide, his hands stopping again over a button. “Oh, shit,” Remus says, and one of his hands goes to his hair, and he closes his eyes, ashamed.

Sirius feels his heart leaping in his chest, in his ears, in his wrists. 

“I’m sorry,” Remus mumbles, falling back on the bed’s header, pressing his eyes with his fingers. “That was completely out of place. I… well, I had a big crush on you during school, and I guess this kinda sent all my emotions in a spiral. I always thought about getting tattoos, all of _us_ , the _two_ of us, when we were in Hogwarts, and the fact that you mention it, well... I know it’s not what you…”

“Moony,” Sirius interrupts him, sitting on his knees, taking Remus’ hands by the wrists and pushing them away from his face. Remus looks back at him, flushed and sad, so Sirius just shakes his head. “Did you really think I didn’t feel anything for you back in school?” he asks, and he can see how Remus’ eyes widen just a bit, and his mouth parts slightly, with a short intake of air. “Do you think I don’t feel _anything_ for you _now_ ?” And before he can think more about it, before he can think of how _broken_ he is, how Remus deserves _better_ , how Remus had a life for _twelve years_ where there was _Hanses_ and maybe _Johns_ and maybe even _Luccas_ , twelve years where he had _nothing_ but his twisted up memories; and before he convinces himself that he should think about this more carefully, because he might be putting at risk one of the only meaningful relationships he currently has… Well, before he can be eaten up by those thoughts, he decides to take what this day is offering, and go for it.

He leans forward, and looks Remus in the eyes, before it turns out to be too much - all that could have been, all that still can be, written in Remus’ eyes -, and he lets his lips brush over Remus’, his hands holding Remus’ wrists shaking a bit.

Remus kisses him back, with no hesitation, and it’s soft, and Remus sighs into his mouth sweetly, and grabs him by the sides of his shirt to pull him closer. Sirius forgets to be nervous about not kissing anybody in over fourteen years, forgets about _this being it_ , _the first time he kisses Remus_ , and forgets about the future, the past, and _the wars,_ because Remus’ mouth is sweet and his tongue makes him _feel_ like this is worth it. So when he bites down on Remus’ lip and Remus moans and tries to melt on the bed, Sirius goes down with him. He just falls, falls, falls, because it’s the only thing that matters.

He stops kissing Remus to accommodate himself over him, and Remus nuzzles into his neck, making Sirius smile while he traces the tattoo on his left shoulder with his fingertips.

“Good day,” he mutters, kissing Remus’ ear, and hearing him respond, softly, “We’ll go one day at the time.” Sirius smiles softly, even though he feels overwhelmed, and nodding, he chases Remus’ mouth to kiss him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think, if you want to! I usually run with a pre-Azkaban relationship for them in my headcanons, but I wanted to see how a fluffy, careful get together would see, with them as adults.
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://wanderingbandurria.tumblr.com/), come and say hi!


End file.
